| read to find out! |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|11:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | concrete angle | ] |
Why do boys pretend to be your friend? Its a question like how many licks to the center of a Toostie Pop... the world may never know.everybody has a diffrent oppinion. But the gorgeous girl feelings never get toied with. Boys will do antthing for them. Like one of my best friends R new i always thought J was hott, btu she never thought i actually liked him. I always tlk about him and how amazing he is. We were at and i was buissy with some of my other friend like i was on and off with groups. When ever i would walk over to there little click he would drop her hand when they were holding hand so that i wouldnt like know he liked her. I mean i guessit was nice that he was trying to protect me but it hurt me more to hear it from one of my other friends. I would rather of seen it at the time so i could go back to my party with my other best friend A and fr get all aboutit. But no i have to find out the next day about everything that happened and evreything he said to her. I knida felt betraied by both of them. I kind of now have this feelinmg that she knew i really liked himcause they would hide things from me at my own party. And she didnt plan on telling me what happened between them! I heard it from my friend E! Just think how you would feel. It happened like last week but im still crushed now. Im reallt happy for R and all but she knew i liked him for ever. Like it was obious r friend B who is likeoblivious to the world even new. O yeah B didnt even tell me. They were all gunnakeep it a secret frtom me. At least thats what E said. That kinda gives away they all knew!Im happy that E is loyal enough to me to make sure i dont get hurt by them. I knda like E. But i dont see him that often. I think he kinda likes me too. cuz when ever we do see eachother hes usually allover me asking me to dance and... ugh! I just feel low. plus right now ters knowone really to like but jared and i really dont want to like him because i know hell break my <3 heart. He happened to do it now and not even mean it. I dont even want to amagine what it would be like if he broke it on perpose. I think i might die. I now why he doesnt like me he thinks im to hyper. I an a hyper person and that makes me me but he doesnt accept me that way. like he likes me as oneof the guys cuz i alway make him laguh. i make everyone laugh i try to i hate when people are down. But its not just for him iwant to change i wnaa be a goody goody like B. Shes like the perfect child and im like SATINS DAUGHTER. Im not a bitch or anything but imnot a good daughter my mom has even told me that. When it was my bat mitzvah my mom aid to me you dont ecommplish anything what do i have to say about you. I litterally walked away fromher in ABERCROMBIE (witch is amazing) and went into a dressig room in like Sears which i didnt even no know sold clothes and cried.And on my 13 birthday she made it so horriable she didnt get me a present ididnt get to pik were to go t dinner and all she did is yell at me. ALL FRICKING DAY! notthing i did was right. she can be fun at sometimes but she has never been , like a mom. shes either acting like a girlfriend or yelling at me. I have never ben able to cry infront of my moma bout my dad dieing.NEVER NOT ONCE! i always have to fo into my room and barry mtself into my pillows or take a shower so she cant hear me, cause she would walk and and say stop crying damit and close the door not even asking why. she makes a really good friend but a horriable mother. she thinks spoiling me will make everything thats wrong in my life right it doesnt it just makes it look that way to other people. like M in school says to me how much were those pants and i say like $60.ooand shes like wow $20.00 is alot for me to spend on pants... btu she doesnt understand that i would give up every disinger thing i own to live her life she has a dad at her weding she will have her dad walk her down the isle at her party she will have her 1st dance as a woman with her dad she can buy a dady's girl t shirt i would give anything and everytihg for that. i have so much more to sat but fuck thers always annother day. |
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| AHH! |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|12:11 am] |
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| |  confused | ] |
Why? Do you ever stop and ask yourself why. Why does he act that way. Lately Andrew C**Man has been acting really rude towards me. Usually I'm the kinda girl that doesn't take a year to get over something because I'm young these "flick's" are notthing. Yet, there's always that person that makes you stop and ask "Why?" and thats what Andrew does to me. It's not like he means anything to me, well at least I dont think he does. Lately he has been acting "To cool for me." and he's not.
We went out one day and ra ninto my amazingly hott friend hannah M****R. She thought he was "CUTE" (which he is he's not hott he's "Baby Cute") so whatever they didn't even talk that day and he couldn't decide weather she was hott or not. Later that day when we both got home and came online he asked for her screen name. Ya that was okay. Then as time went on he started getting more intense he started text messaging me to tell HANNAH to go online or for HANNAH to do this and that yady yady ya! I got sick of that because he new i really liked him and i have even though we've broken up (like 6 months ago), so i said to "Hey! Can you please stop asking me to do all these things for you to get with Hannah." UHH-OHH big mistake, he bitch'd at me b ut good. He said "Your jus jealous, a bitch, slut, and ugliest girl I ever met." Thats right there did make me cry it made me realize he's only one person. Then a week later I get an I.M. from him and I really dont wana talk to him. He said "I'm sorry for what i said you're my friend, you're not ugly, deffinetly not a slut. " So i for gave him because i really like him.
Yesterday came and i saw him at a party and he wouldnt talk to me. So i stoped and asked my self "Why? Why wont he talk to me he's theone who appoligized to me." That just got me really mad. When he did talk to me it was like we were in a group and he was asking everyone this question, so i dont concider that talking to me. The night went on no problem we didnt talk. At the end of the party when my friends and i were leaving i went with my friend to say bye to him cause she didnt want to go alone. I went they sed bye and i stood there he stared me up and down and ddint say BOO! That was the iceing on the cake.I wasnt just mad i was fearious and soo upset. Litterally i was crushed it felt like i had hit rock bottem and then fell a few more layers down. I had never felt thing low before. When i got home i cried. It wasnt really the fact that he uterly ignored me but that the things he did he new bothered me alot. Also he new that hes like the only boy who has the power to make me cry, and thats exactly what he did. I'm really crushed by him.
i dont know. All I can say is "WHY?" |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2004|11:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Im just a kid | ] |
OMG!!!! Best friend problems!
Michelle and i have been friends since we were in dipers i had my very first sleepover ather house and we use to do everything together we were like peanutbutter and jelly, till jaclyn came into the picture! she changed verything out 6th grade thing jaclyn became one of my best friends same with mciehlle and then it was nolonger the 2 of us it became the 3 of us the 3 musketears. We went ot sleepaway caamp together and everything. It all changed wen i started hanging out with older girls jaclyn got mad because they didnt like her they thought she was to babyish and i started to hang out with them on sauturday nights and her her... well my friends smoke and i happened to be with them one night wen they were smokeing and they asked me if i wanted to i said no im okay and then like life went on.... blah blah blah.... a week or so latter they had cigarettes and asked my if i wanted to try one at first i said no but then i decided just once puff wont hurt its not like its pott or anything so i did 1 little pufff i told jaclyn and michelle. As time went on jaclynand i got into a fught and she started telelling people i smoke POTT but i dont.... about a week after that we were friends again yady ya ya....then a good week later i heard that she tld her mom and other peoples parents i smoke pott wow that just took me over the top because it wasnt true..... now its been a 3 weeks that we havent tlked.... i started realizeing that michelle hadnt called me at all durring those 3 weeks and she was always with jaclyn... on tuseday at temple they told the director that i couldnt be in their class anymore becasue they didnt get along with me anymore (bull shyt michelle and i were stil friends) but now its friday night and michelle called me and said jaclyn cant comeout with me wll u fill infor her and i was just really let down because jaclynis makein michelle hate me and only call me wen she needs something. I told her i was mad at her and she changed the subject to jaclyna d how she feels bad 4 her and all this shyt and lke i dont care imnot friends withher anymore and imaboutnot to be friends with you! now i don even want to go to sleep away camp this summer with them! and its a really big deal to me that my best friend since i was in dippers cares more about someone that she has only been friends with 4 a few years! I could jump off a cliff and she wouldnt care as long as jaclyn was okay! im sick of this jaclynhas taken over michelle! at least i still have ana! |
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| Ahhhhh.....Bois....... |
[Aug. 17th, 2004|08:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
Boys! Boys! Boys! Their soo complicated. Why do they always want something from a girl? Why do they don't they goout with a girl because they like her not her looks? WHy do guys pressure girls? These area questions girls wonder about everyday.
Most guys seem to be alot alike they all want something from a girl wen they hook up, not just a simple kiss or make out (teens are past that!) but somethign more like feeling-up, fingureing,head, sex. It seems to me and my friend that they just wana go far to be cool with their boys. Ike i was talking with some of my older girls and they were say "DOnt cave into pressure from a boy. It doesnt matter if they talk about you to other people and say your prude , but if you think about it do you want them going around telling people thats your easy and a slut rather than have your own self confidance?". I was told this after I did something stupid. One night i slept at my friends house who has an older brother that has a friend who i like and likes me in return. Thats night he was asking me all these questions about giving him head if we were in a room together aloneif i would do this or let him do that, but i had to answer these questions in order for him to tell me if he liked me. SO i answered yes to playing around thinking (welll really not thinking) if i sed all the right answers he would tell me the truth. That was an uhh-oh because that night he slpt over too, (what did i get myself into) and was bugging me all night and i kept saying no cause i really didnt want to do it, finally he was being really bitch and pressurey, so i just did it. Big Regret! its not that i don't like him ( which i dont n emore) but i dont like what he made me do. |
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| I dont know i just have alot to say |
[Jul. 23rd, 2004|11:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  weird and sad | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | im a girl not yet a woman (how odd) | ] |
Omg theirs been alot on my mind lately......not just with boys........like today we piked outmy moms dress 4mat bat mitzvah but i started to cry because my dada wasnt there to help pick, and it made me realy really upset because usually he would come with me and my mom to pick out ellagant dresses thats why i avoid going with her for other peoples parties cause i get really up set....... and i dint pick the dress i like i picked the dress my dad would have picked........and today me and my mom were talkin aboutmy bat mitzvah and how she doesnt want me to be really sad at it cause the only rason im doing it is for my dad... and now im not sure i f i wana do it cause wen i think about it with out him their makes me soo sad that all i can do is cry and i just have a feelin at my bat mitzvah that im gunna cry alot and i dont wana........ like i wana tell my mom that but i cant cause she will lwt me not have a bat and i dont wana do that to my dad....... why cant he still be here?......
AN THEN THERE'S BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!! theres the hole andrew fight (cbr 04 u no wut im tlkin about!) like some of the things he said are still in my head...... like he used ..... and all kinds of things that i just wana no are tehy true and i havet asked him even though i should and im gunna...... and then theres DAVID i think i blew it the otha day wen i acted prude which is unusual for me i should have gotten up and went onto the bed with him.....but all i could think about was mine and anas tlk like the night b4 ..... also mikie wtf is up with him hes so odd hes tellin me how much he likesme and stuff then 10 min lata a slut cuz i wont send him a nude pik of me online umm sry swetti i have morals and theirnot being a teenage porn star! plus who the freak would do that? thats so gross and then he hmakes fun of me well sry that imnot like his sluty friends in ny, also then askin me to fibgure me umm sry dont ask that was just odd, plus the fact ur not even home ur at sleep awaycamp and wont even c me wen im ny is jus weird and then makein up a fake fight for me to get mad at uand not wana c u just wont work sry! w/e why r boys soo confuseing? |
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| Ii dont think she cares anymore...... |
[May. 28th, 2004|10:19 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | none | ] |
I donno i just have this feeling that ana doesnt care anymore! Like when eva i call her shes always like i gotta call u back lata and neva does, then wen i im her online it takes her an housr to im me back cuz shes 2 busy tlkin 2 SAM or ALI. Heres a good example ..... Yesterday i sent hert a really funny pic that we always joke about makeing so i made it and sent it to her and i asked if she thought it was funny and i never got and answer from her online.......so hen i happened to call her just to c wuts up and what she was doing today and shes like i cant tlk now ill call u lata and she never seemed to get around to it.......and last night the only reason she was tlking 2 me was becuz i told her about michelle and joshs kiss.....that the only reason she cared then afta we called michelle to see if it ment anything and michele sed no and then aana was like thank GOd i g2g bye all call u lata......i still havent seemed to recive that fone call..........and like even josh sed so 2 nite we were tlkin and he was like yeah i no i onnly tlked 2 her last night cuz she wanted to know about the kiss but otha wise than that i havent tlked to her in a while........so i guess its just not to me but josh too i dont think somethings right or shes trying to hide somethihng from us.....DID WE DO SOME THING WRONG?.......cuz if we did which i dont think we did i would like to know!.........like shes my best friend and means alot to me but the fact she never want to talk to me, makes me sad.....like if something speacial happened to oe of us we would emediately call each otha but now she tells me like a week later. ANA COME ON GIRL TELL ME WUT YOUR DEAL IS IM REALLY LOST!
~THE JOEY THING~
I dont think i hate joey i just think i cant stand the fact that i miss as much as i do and never get the chance to talk to him ir see him we both never find the time...... like i just ralized that tonight wen i was looking at old pics of us and i was really sad, alot of old good fun meories came to mind... like wen we kissed ......... or wen we both admitted to likeing each otha after he moved.....or when we were playing hide and seak and we hid together and started tlkin about me and spencer and if i broke up with im who would i go out with next and am i soon going to break up with him...... like i never realized if i would have put to and to together i would have came to the conclusion he liked me sooner but i had to find out from michael.........and now that i think about it im never going to see joey again and he was like my best friend before ana and josh........I MISS JOEY!!!!!!!!!!! i really miss him! |
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| Omg i just realized..... |
[May. 18th, 2004|08:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
Omg i jusr realized how self contious i am! like it neva hit me before till i was in the kitchin just thinking to myself. I was lookming at my reflection and was thinking my face is too skini my hips are to fat my legs r too long... how do bo is like me..... like im not pretty..........how do like some ppl just walk up to pll ad go hey ur hot wuts ur number... like i could do that if i was in a group of ppl cuz i dont alway care what ppl think of me but like when im around some pll like people that i like and stuff im like really calm and clueless then wen im around just my w/e i dont care what u think of me friends i like completely change.. for intance when im around/tlk ana and jaclyn and josh i act like w/e i dont give a flying hoot wut u think of me its just not important if u like me for me then stay if not leave on the otha hand like wen i pll that i care what they think of me like i completely change i act all perfect and shy like so that they dont think im weird or ne thing......yeah thats common to happen to pll i no but like not as often as me like w/e!!!!!!!!!
Wow i just realize ppl read this and i sound really dumb but w/e! |
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| Just feel like writing! |
[May. 18th, 2004|08:47 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | headstrong | ] |
notthing really exciting has happened lately.... but like i started tlkin 2 mikies friends RYAN and hes like sooooooo cool like i donno wut about him makes him so cool to me mayb its cause he likes al the same sports as me and in lax and soccer we play the same posistion or mayb cuz he has blonde hair and lighe eyes (hazel) i donno but he seem like really cool.... like i wana meet him really bad! (im such a lozer)
yesterday me and ana were tlking about my batmtzvah and somehow mikie came up and anas like i really wana meet him the scizofrenic freak thats really hott..... shes so weird she like hates him 1 min and like wants to meet him the next i so dont get that....w/e
omg i kissed william like randomly and he was liek i dont think you like........he was serious........ wow pplz confuse me
but notthing really exciting has happened! |
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| OMG OMG The belly ring range!! |
[May. 14th, 2004|11:29 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
Omg im so freaking tonight i made a bet with my mom that if next school i get dtright a's i get a belly ring that i can keep in for ever and ever!!!!!!!!! me and taylor are gunna do it together becuz she has the same bet with her mom im so freaking out!!!!!!! |
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| My Fight WIth Abbey!!!!!!! |
[May. 13th, 2004|11:16 am] |
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Omg abbey is such a fucking bitch she was gunna break up with her b/f but she blams him breaking up with her my fult wen it was she said it was my fult because i was talking to him.... hes my friend i thought i was supposed to do that......she also is haveing ppl turn aginst me which really hasnt work except 4 dillion cuz he does w/e abbey says.... it went down like this........we were waiting for abbey to stop holging hands with steff and stop kissing ricki and pat attention to jeorge so we started tlking and sumthing came up how it was pissing him off that she wasnt paying enough attention to him then suddenly it became my fault the next day day (today) like is she for real i did notthiin but ocupie time and then she yells at me for that .......if i wouldnt have been tlkin 2 him he would have left ..... he was really pissed wen he left he didnt ven say bye to abbey so then she blamed it on me cuz she cant realize that shes a slut .... and the rules of dtaeing are wen u only c ur b/g 1 time a day u need to pay attention to him more than 2 ptha guys u c 10000000 times a dat like she thought that he wouldnt get made what world is she from? IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!! |
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| Dieing of Boredem!!!! |
[May. 10th, 2004|11:41 pm] |
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Well I'm at school dieing of bordem. Were watching Ice Age and its really boring and i have notthing to od because ive seen the movie like 600 times. So im like really bored iu was thinking of ana so i asked my teacher if i could go online so that i could go to and educational web site so i picked this its kinda educational cuz u write stuff and im in langauge arts so it kinda sorta goes along with wut were doing in classs cuz its writing!! lol i sooooo bored w/e i g2g help christine get porn off our teachers computter bye!! |
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| To Night!!!!!! |
[May. 9th, 2004|09:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Material Girl | ] |
omg.... i just got in a fight with phill b/c he hes to greg an sum otha bois that me and ana flashed him not once but SEVERAL times......and so me and ana sed hes so gay and such a liar.....and of course he had 2 hear and now hes mad at ME not ana becuz even thought he denies it he knows that hes like in love with ana like he seriouslyu worships her...ya no like i have a problem with that but then he denies it thta bugs me btu back to the topic ...... he doesnt wana b my friend n e more because wen we are together we screw things up.....well ya shyt happens thats kinda how the worlds go round......it just isnt easy id ppl dont have conterverseies.... like would u wana live in a perfect world where notthing bad ever happened i wouldnt it would b boring....getting in fights with people is interatinging just like crushing on someone ...... whatever! its his loss not mone i have lots of friends! |
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| My Talk With Ana |
[May. 8th, 2004|02:32 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Here With Out ( hehehe stu) | ] |
Omg.........some one*** i no smokes pot. like ya*** drinks and stuff but like *** smoked pot a couple times.....and had no problem tellin ana *** acted like it was no big deal at all then ***sed its to fustrating being high so he wont do it again but i cant really belive that cuz like u do it once u do it again...*** alos sed that *** smoked with his dad (not pot with his dad)...like ya ppl do it all the time but not *** i always thought *** was smarter than that but i dont no *** that well so hoos no ....yet *** and i have been tlkin 4 a while and i didnt know this *** told ana not me! its not like i asked *** but like yeah i see how *** didnt tell me cuz thats not usually a common thing that comes up in a convo unless ur tlkin with ana everything like that comes up ..... the ditz ana asks ppl how many times they have had sex so somein pot will easilly come up...but thats something major that like u shouldnt tell ppl that u have done it more than once u should say yeah i did it one time and not tell the whole truth but like to come right out and say a copuple of times like its no biggy.. thats like me tellin everybody im anerexic i dont just go tell ppl that w/e to each his own! |
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| My Very Interseting Night! |
[May. 7th, 2004|10:07 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | weird | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Ocean Avenue | ] |
Like omg i had the weirdest night 2 night! like omg gabby imed me its weird because we like hate each otha... but eva since me and celina got inj a fight and i i became closer friends with dana r she like wants to become friends it really weird. then i told dana b and she like totally freaked out cuz she doesnt want me to go through wut she went through with gabby so shes acting like the big sister figure. then i was tlking 2 mikie and we were tlkin about how his g/f beth dumped him so like he called me then i called called beth and left the weirdest message it was like"omg beth how could u dump mikie hes such a gr8 guy and hes hott like wut more do u want?' then i hung up and then we tlked again then he had me call this otha girl he liked named lisa and i left anotha message on her answering machine that sed "hi lisa im mikies friend jordyn and ive heard alot about u and mikie toally digs u u should hook up with him buh bye" like i was being so nice to him but i cant b mean to him cuz i like him... so i just naturally act nice but like im not bitchy to him like ana. |
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